When I meet with couples they often express nervousness about their wedding vows. Do you want to write your vows, but you’re worried that they won’t express what’s truly in your heart? Commonly, couples tell me - Where do I start? How long should my vows be? Do I have to memorize them? I’m afraid that I’ll cry . I have years of experience helping couples with coaching in this area. On the day of the ceremony their vows will truly have meaning.
Where do we begin?
I often begin by sharing that wedding vows are promises that you’re making to one another. The dictionary defines the word promise as “ assuring someone that one will definitely do, give, or declare that something will happen.” On your wedding day you’re proclaiming you’re vowing that the promises made to one another will be upheld. There is power in your spoken words when you do this.
Time is shared talking together about the love that is felt between them. I encourage couples to take notes during our conversation as these can be developed into their vows. Every marriage has a love story. We delve into the unique tale about theirs and what they want to contribute from themselves into their marriage. Our conversation will help bring to the surface what lays deep within. What are some of the challenges they may have faced together and overcome? What do they find endearing in each other? It’s fine to have a sprinkling of humor in the vows. A wedding day is all about sharing the joy that comes from love.
Couples can choose wording from samples I provide that are ‘cherry picked”, then combined with their own touches, to write vows that reflect feelings that come from the heart. There are some wonderful examples on my Pinterest page that can be used in addition to the samples provided.
Need help with structure and design? That’s also provided in a document that I send to the couples that I assist and it will help get the creative juices flowing.
How long should they be?
Couples should talk about the tone and the length of their vows with each other ahead of time so that they’re in balance. Your vows shouldn’t exceed one page as the sentiment can be lost if they are too long.
You don’t need to memorize your vows.
The day of the ceremony will be filled with excitement. It’s too much to expect to recite from memory unless you’re a professional actor. I ask for emailed copies of your vows in advance and I them with me to the ceremony. One less thing to have to try and remember.
What about crying?
I wish we could have more acceptance of the beauty that is shown to each other when we cry. Those who are surrounding you on the day of your wedding are touched by your hearts being open. They don’t judge you for this. If you do cry, we’ll take a second together to catch your breath and keep going.
Often, when I glance at the family and friends gathered, others are joining you in this shared expression of love. Many times, they are moved to tears because your love opens their hearts too. And, I may join you in this expression. I let all of those gathered know that I love you as much as they do.
Honey in the Heart comes flows naturally with love.
Whether you know where to start, how to write your own vows, or cry through them isn’t what’s important. Whatever you decide, be it prewritten vows, or your own written words, your promises to each other will be one of the most cherished parts of your ceremony. The real key is access to the wellspring of love that flows from the Honey in your Heart. Trust that when it comes time to make your promises, it will all work out.