Writing Your Own Wedding Vows
As a wedding officiant in Santa Cruz, Monterey Bay, and Big Sur, I’ve watched hundreds of couples stand hand in hand, hearts racing, ready to speak the words that make their marriage official. And almost every couple says the same thing:
“We don’t know where to start.”
Writing your own vows can feel daunting — but it doesn’t have to be. With a little reflection and a few guiding ideas, you can create something truly meaningful and completely you.
1. Start with Inspiration
Begin by reading sample vows — both the examples I share with my couples and those you find online. Highlight the phrases that speak to you. Borrow, blend, and adapt them to fit your love story.
2. Decide on Tone and Format
Talk with your partner about what tone feels right. Do you want vows that are romantic and poetic, lighthearted and funny, or a mix of both?
Will you write them together or separately?
Do you want to share them ahead of time or keep them secret until the ceremony?
There’s no single right way — only what feels authentic to your connection.
3. Reflect on Your Story
Take a quiet moment to think about your journey together.
When did you first know you were in love?
What makes you feel safe and at home with this person?
How do you want to walk through life together?
Your answers are the heart of your vows.
4. What to Include
Say “I love you.” Simple and timeless.
Make heartfelt promises — to listen, to laugh, to stay through the storms.
Add a small story or detail that captures your bond.
Keep it concise — about one page or two minutes when spoken aloud.
If you find your heart overflowing with more to say, write a private love letter to share the night before or morning of your wedding. Some couples seal these letters — along with printed copies of their vows — in a keepsake or wine box to open on their first anniversary. It’s a lovely ritual that becomes a time capsule of your marriage.
5. Final Touches
Have a trusted friend look over your vows if you’d like a little feedback. And remember — your guests are witnesses to your promises, so keep them included by leaving out inside jokes or phrases only the two of you would understand.
When you speak your vows aloud, they become the heartbeat of your ceremony — your love made visible. Whether you’ve written every word yourself or woven together inspiration from others, what matters most is that your words are honest, heartfelt, and true.
Feeling a touch of stage fright? You can always share your vows privately. Some couples read them to one another during their first look or later that night when the celebration is just between the two of them!
These are your promises — your love story in your own words. Say them your way.
Visit Honey in the Heart Ceremonies to learn more, or reach out to begin creating a ceremony that’s true to your story — and promises spoken straight from the heart.
